I am not in a completely depressed let’s say fuck and shit a million times mind frame… so I’m going to go with the BJ question… (ya see what I did there… I bet you’re laughing!!)

BJ Shea: What is the craziest reason you have heard or gave for being late?
The Men’s Room: What would your parents say was the time when you disappointed them the most?

This is a hard one, because I dislike being late, it is one of my biggest pet peeves. I find it a disrespectful practice, oh I’m fashionably late… no you aren’t you’re a douche that needs to stay the hell on time.

Okay okay so before I go alienating a whole mess of readers, I’ll answer the question.

Hmm crazy excuses for being late… When I worked security for a a company guarding a warehouse in San Diego, I think the one that I heard that just amazed me the most was the guy who had locked himself in his own car. His car was a complete junker, his passenger door had been jammed shut do to an accident and if he “accidently” locked his door the only way he could unlock it was to reach out the window and pull the handle.

So as he told the boss over the telephone as he was late to relieve me for the day. He had gotten in the car and drove to work and parked in the lot, someplace in there he accidently pushed the lock down.

Of course this is the old days so everything was manual, no electric locks and windows.

So anyway, as he went to open the door, it was locked. When he tried to roll down his window the handle broke off. To prove this to the boss he even had the handle in his hand… yes even know the boss wasn’t on sight he still brought the handle.

How did he get out? Well after 5 minutes of him attempting to yell for someone to come and help him… he developed a hair brain idea and crawled through the back seat to the trunk. How did he get out the trunk you might ask? It was busted too, only held on by bungee cord. The issue came when he attempted to undo the cord to get out he couldn’t. It was so dark back there that he had to lift the trunk to be able to see what he was doing, which made the cord to tight to undo the hook. So that took him another 10 minutes to figure out. He finally got it undone and ran into work with the door handle…

Called the boss on the phone to explain everything and I heard the whole conversation as I was laughing my ass off…

The next day someone (not naming names or anything) *cough* the boss *cough*, had put a little mini flashlight and a pair of pliers on the desk with a note that read, “Keep it in your car for the next time.”

Have a great day!